As life goes on it becomes tiring to keep up the character you invented for yourself, and so you relapse into individuality and become more like you, but a great relief to the person involved. Agatha Christie
I am a caregiver for my mom, who stroked on June 12, 2001. I have been living with Mom since September, and have recently had to face the fact that I have to move my kids down here, and most probably take care of her for a very long time. I love her dearly, and want to be here to take care of her. The problem is in motivating her to get better. She was always the most independent person I knew. Since the stroke, she has become entirely
dependent upon me, and is unwilling to do anything for herself. I don’t understand this, and find it increasingly difficult to deal with. She does well in rehab, but will not translate this into activities at home. She is capable of doing many things, but is unwilling to do them.
The prospect of moving my boys (14 and 15) here, and taking care of both them and Mom in her current condition scares me to death. I have already lost a great job to this stroke, as well as many friends who cannot understand why I cannot make the time to see them. Has anyone been able to help their recalcitrant loved one overcome this desire to succumb to their circumstances?
I do not know how much of this may be due to the effects of the stroke (perhaps a personality change); how much is attributable to depression; or even how much I am enabling her to act this way.
I am at a loss, and none of her therapists/doctors/psychologists have any answers for me.
Maybe someone out there has had a similar experience that can shed some light on this? If so, please let me know. I find myself getting angry with her, and react with stress-induced behavior, which neither of us likes.
I may not ever be able to get my life back as I knew it, but I would like to have a life beyond her, which I find nearly impossible right now.
Any like experiences would be appreciated.
Hi Reinhard/Mike, I do not have the translation for Labskaus. So cannot truly lay claim that my Scottish homeland invented it(pride tells me if it was “good” Scotland definitely had a hand in this)!!!
However, the nutritional ingredients as given by Reinhard (a mix of staple food, vitamins and minerals – for seamen). Taking this as a kind of quiz, I would offer: My Labskaus:
White Navy Beans, Dulse (seaweed), Salt Pork, Lemons
Uggh! so far.
Add a “footer” (“or base” of good Scots Bannock) and a liberal helping of Rick’s best Navy Rum and it probably tastes delicious!! Have a few glasses of the “rum” – first!
Hi Mike – this sailor’s meal was invented all around the North Sea 300 years ago. Whitegoose claimed once, that Labskaus stems from her Scottish homeland. If Aberdeen, Oslo, Aalborg, Liverpool, or Hamburg : The reason for Labskaus was a mix of staple food, vitamins and minerals in the food of seamen. So there is the difference to American Corned Beef Hash : Finely ground pickled veggies are a necessary ingredient. Mike : DO NOT BUY ANY REPLACEMENTS IN SOUTHERN GERMANY ! (Or buy one and find out the difference.) I will enquire, who does shipping from here – or will send some cans myself.
Dear Jannae, The first message is to your son Michael. Dear Michael, My Mom died earlier this year (of emphysema and lung cancer – she smoked from about age 14 until age 60 – “Craven “A” and then Benson& Hedges.
She was fond of her food. And was over 350 lbs. when she died – at age 81. But mostly I remember her as tall – 5’11″ but medium build, a hard worker, and when not working, she was in bed, with migraine headaches.
All her life (until her 50′s) she was convinced the migraines were “killing” her, and she felt she was dying. Mom was 81 years old when she died, and she never had a migraine headache from her mid-fifties. Maybe if I tell you about some of the life changes she made, it might help you. She stopped smoking. She stopped eating chocolate (this was harder than giving up her cigs – she was a chocoholic)! She quit coffee!. Her pill-of-choice for headaches became Anacin. She never had a stroke or a cardiovascular problem (although I did – I’m her daughter). She started going for walks and took a great interest in gardening – which she called her stress-reliever.
Food often triggers migraines. Start writing down what you eat, and see if you can find out what is triggering your migraines. Find a headache clinic, and try to find someone there (a professional) who can give you advice.
No-one can give you a guarantee you won’t have a stroke in the future – we all do if we live long enough. But take steps now to help you tackle your fears and lessen your migraine attacks. Worry and stress are definitely not good for us.
From a very good friend of your Mom.
Dear Friends, I could use some help! I have told you that I have two great children and that we all live here in Phoenix. Both of my children have migraines also, the same as me. My daughter,Monica has about two a month. My
son , Michael has them a little more often. I have had my stroke from migraine headaches at the age of 31. The problem is that my son is convinced he is going to have a stroke before he is 35. I can’t seem to rid him of that idea! Any ideas on helping to tell him different? They both take Immertex for the headache when it comes. Mike has been in the Air Force and has seen a neuologist and has had every test and what not for them. He does not at this time have to worry so much but he does. You would think that I would have all the right things to say! Well I don’t. Monica is 28 and Mike is 26. Now I would like to ask everyone of you if you could write some ncouraging note to Monica sister in law, Debbie Orona. Debbie is a sweet person. About 2 years ago she discovered that she has advanced Liver disease. The doctors told her family that she has 1 year to live. She has made 2. But this christmas she was back in the hospital. She had 2 strokes! My daugther and I are going to see her when we are on vacation. Could you Please send Debbie letters of encouragement. I will bring them to her! Thank You very much. Love, Jannae, Phoenix
Jannae – your spelling doesn’t scare us, and I understand everything you write. I am not very good on the phone either. When there is a phonecall I have to make, I have a phone notebook, and I make little notes for myself. Do not be afraid to tell the person at the other end of the line “I have had a stroke and have a speech problem, so I’m asking you to please be patient with me.” This has worked like a charm for me.
Hello Donna, I sure rememer speach therpy!!!! T.V. were “talkie things” Pens were “line marker” and everything to eat were “apples”! It is called* aphsia *can’t spell. I was told that it would get better but never will it completly go away! Sometimes I get scare to use the phone because I can’t explain what I am talking about. Make you feel like a idiot! Love, Jannae, Phoenix Az
Hi Laura, For the time being Larry needs your love and assurance that everything will turn out alright. Any bleed in the brain takes time to dissolve. Much rest is called for. Especially in the first few weeks after the stroke.Visit and consult with his medical practi tioners as to what caused the stroke to take steps to prevent another. Go to our website, and check on our internatinal sites. Read everything you can about strokes.
Hi, my Father in Law (Larry) had a stroke last saturday morning. He is 59 and my husband & I flew out to Denver immediately. We saw him Sat pm and were so scared. He had a middle cerebral blockage, most likely caused by a thrown clot from his leg. He also has a patent duct in his heart that they think threw the clot to his brain. Anyof this make any sense to someone? Not me…they are still just words.
He had a left brain stroke and is paralyzed on the right side. his speech is affected as wellas receptive & expressive ephaisia (sp). As of today, he is regaining some control over the right leg. He shuffled (with help) around his bed, is able to eat, and seems to be able to understand verbal commands.
I can’t do anymore now. I guess what i’m looking for is has anyone else been there? What can I do? We live 18 hr drive away, but plan to fly 2x in March and go to Denver for spring break providing we can find help for our kids. Larry is more of a father to me than my own, I can’t imagine how this changes things. Please share your stories. I need some help
Oh yeah, I’m Laura, my husband is Craig. We live in West Michigan with our 5 kids, Audrey 12, Melanie 10, Abby, Carly & Connor 3 1/2.
Thanks in advance